So, I’m at the airport waiting to board a flight to Turkey (11 nights with boyf in the sunshine) and I suddenly hear Lea Michele singing.
'Empty Handed' is playing and as I walk past a particular store it gets louder and louder. This is the first time I've heard the album being played in the UK, and not even one of the singles. And not on the radio either. A pretty big deal, I feel…
I’m taking it as a good omen for a fabulous holiday. One which can’t come soon enough; I’ve been ill the past week with a horrid stomach bug (which accounts for the general lack of posts, aside from Monday), and desperately want to be better. I’m almost there.
The next 10 days should help.
Tears pool in her eyes and slide down her cheeks as she re-reads the letter and sobs quietly to herself. She’d found it, hidden among some old records, and hadn’t been able to put it down since.
She looks up at the man standing in the doorway, his eyes wide and filled with a mix of worry and love and surprise.
“A boy wrote this for me,” she whispers, and she pats the bed beside her. It dips, like her stomach, and she leans into him, heart heavy. “He was the first boy I ever loved.”
He takes it from her fingers ever so carefully, skimming the letter and its contents before bursting into a deep laugh that she mirrors with a giggle. “Damn, I’ve always been a bit of a goofball, huh?”
Finn kisses her, then, and she sees stars behind her eyelids as he takes her breath away. When they finally break away for air, she sighs and clutches the letter in her hands.
“If this had become reality, I-“
He presses a finger to her swollen lips, that crooked smile on his face, and she can’t help but sigh like she has some kind of high school crush.
“I’ve done my part for the army, I’m never going back, and unless I’m killed in some freak accident, I’m never leaving you either.”
“I don’t know, I might give Puck a call and see if he’s interested in-“
The letter soon remains forgotten on the floor as Finn reminds her that he’s the only guy for her.
I want you here with me.
One day we just looked at each other and we were like “You wanna do this?" We knew.
Okay, so I’ve posted twice.
Tumblr’s being an ass; I lost the first post only to have to reappear after the second was posted!
Guess I’ll leave them both up!
What struck me most about today, as I got ready for work thinking about what the date meant, is how fleeting and permanent the loss of Cory is.
After the shock of the loss begins to fade, all that remains is the adjustment in learning to accept he’s not here. Some days it’s easier than others.
A couple of nights ago, as I was falling asleep, my brain randomly asked the same question is has done a thousand times. Was it really real, had he really died? The process was fleeting, but the thought was planted…and yet again, I couldn’t understand how it was possible.
Fifteen months later, I still don’t understand how I can still be shocked when my brain randomly thinks about him. It’s been over a year…
Some days if feels like I’ve woken up in a totally new world where he never existed. Those moments are strange. Some days there is acceptance of the situation; I miss Cory, but I am so thankful for the time that he was here.
Everything is the same and everything is different.
Lying in bed a couple of nights ago, I was suddenly struck yet again for perhaps the hundredth time that Cory isn’t here. I was falling asleep and suddenly for absolutely no reason my brain decided to ask whether it was really real. If it really happened.
I haven’t had this happen for a while; I’ve been more accepting of the way things are. It’s heartbreaking and I wish it were different, but I’ve felt a little acceptance. That all seemed to disappear a couple of nights ago. I didn’t think I was still capable of being shocked about it, given that it’s been over a year…but for that split second, in the dark, I was.
For some reason these past few days, I’ve felt his loss much more greatly. The couple of times that I’ve looked at Tumblr in the past week, certain pictures that have appeared across my dash have brought home again the fact that he’s not here. This beautiful, gorgeous, vital man isn’t here.
How is that possible? How can he not have been here for 15 months?
Everything is the same and everything has changed.
Monchele having fun together BTS of Glee season 1/2